


Static

by samelovestyles



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, Mystery, OT5 Friendship, Psychological Drama, Thriller
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-27
Updated: 2016-11-03
Packaged: 2018-08-27 09:42:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8396812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/samelovestyles/pseuds/samelovestyles
Summary: Louis has everything he could ever want; a loving boyfriend, great friends, a steady job and a beautiful home. He's blissfully happy in his own little bubble surrounded by the people he loves the most. Until tragedy strikes and his world is ripped apart in an instant. After his best friend Zayn is killed in a train accident, his once comfortable and happy life is thrown into complete shock and turmoil. But before Louis even has any time to grieve, the shrill ringtone and obnoxious buzzing of his phone cuts through the silence. He numbly picks it up and reads, Incoming Call: Zayn Malik.





	1. Chapter 1

"Please." Zayn laughs, "you couldn't make that shot if your life depended on it."

"Ah, see that's where you're wrong. Haven't you learned by now to never doubt me, Malik?" Louis says with a confident smirk on his face.

Zayn rolls his eyes and leans back in his seat.

"Harold? Place your bet. Can I make it or not?" Louis asks, looking over with expectant eyes to where Harry is leaning against the door frame. Louis watches on as Harry squints his eyes to the far corner of the room where the plastic bin sits. He runs his thumb along his lip slowly - something he often does when he's deep in thought - and Louis wants nothing more than to replace Harrys thumb with his tongue, gliding it along his soft, soft lips.

"Yeah, I think you can do it." Harry finally says, snapping Louis out of his thoughts - which he's very thankful for as he was about a millisecond away from having to go back to work sporting a semi. Louis swallows the pent up saliva in his mouth and bows his head to Harry with an unspoken thank-you and fond eyes.

"Knew I could count on you." Louis says, which earns one of Harrys deep and dimpled smiles that light up his whole face and, as horribly cheesy as it sounds, still makes his heart skip a beat (or several) the exact same way it did when they first got together.

"Fucking hell, get a room." Zayn says in his most convincing _"I hate romance"_ voice but everyone knows deep down he loves it.

Everyone knows that he's a sap, but what Louis thinks is frankly fucking hilarious, is that he _knows_ that everyone knows he's a sap yet he still chooses to keep up this "love is for pussies" facade. Next time he's blind drunk and spouting about how he wants someone he can spoil and take care of, someone better have a camera handy.

"We'd love to get a room, care to join?" Louis says to Zayn followed by his sexiest wink, to which Zayn replies with his middle finger. Louis feels the love in that gesture, obviously.

"Alright ladies, brace yourselves because in 3, 2, 1," Louis throws the crumpled up piece of paper across the room and to his utter fucking delight and complete surprise, it lands smack bang right in the middle of the plastic bin, "...I will show you how it's done." Louis finishes with a smug look on his face, with the upmost confidence in his voice to make it sound as though he never doubted that he'd make the shot.

Louis had seriously expected the crumpled up ball of paper to go in the complete opposite direction (his aim has always been a bit deplorable) and he'd half expected to be met with Zayns smug-looking-bastard face - one Louis unfortunately has seen more times than he'd like to. The face Zayn has on now gives Louis perfect satisfaction.

"Beginners luck." Zayn says almost defeatedly, raising an eyebrow.

"So be it," Louis shrugs, "thanks for the lookout." Louis points to the ceiling, because obviously someone is looking down on him today.

"Your lucks gotta run out some time Tommo." Zayn says, standing up and emptying the remains of his lunch in the bin.

"Never." Louis smiles.

-

"Holden & Brown photography, Louis speaking, how can I help?" Louis says politely into the phone.

"Bear with me for a moment please." He says, and puts the caller on hold.

Louis slides out of his chair and walks to the far end of the studio where Zayn is sat in front of his computer, looking all smouldering and interested and knee-deep in something creative.

"Mr Giles on the line, wants to know if you've got the festival posters all done yet." Louis says, leaning against Zayns desk and picking up a packet of post-its and mindlessly playing with them.

"Check this out." Zayn says with a satisfied smile, gesturing to the computer screen. Louis sits the post-its down and walks around Zayns desk to get a clearer look at the screen.

"Holy shit." Louis says.

"Sick, huh?" Zayn smiles, tongue resting behind his teeth.

"What a talented pair I've got, eh?" Louis tells him, patting him on the shoulders.

"Harry the photographer and Zayn the creative fuck who jazzes everything up. Poor Louis the receptionist ain't got a look in, have I now?" Louis jokes.

Louis loves his job actually - loves interacting with the customers. Never really been one for creativity like the other two, talking to people is definitely his forte.

"Tell Giles I'll email him just now." Zayn says.

"Will do." Louis walks back through the office to his desk.

Although technically, Louis thinks, this place doesn't really pass as an office. Fair enough there's a few desks with computers and phones but it's definitely not your typical office. It's a photography studio-turned-office. The place is bright and modern and airy and colourful and, get this, he actually loves it here. Who would've thought?

"Hi Mr Giles? If you give your emails a check now all the information for the next step should be there. No problem at all. You too, have a good day." Louis puts the phone down with a satisfied smile, he loves a happy customer.

The rest of the afternoon goes by quite quickly as it hits five o'clock and Louis says his goodbyes and heads outside to meet Harry and Zayn.

It's a lovely day and for it being the time it is, the sun is still splitting the trees. Perfect for the pub crawl planned for Liams birthday celebrations tonight.

Louis people watches as he waits on Harry and Zayn and wonders why on earth someone would actually go out in public wearing socks and sandals. He's all for people being proud of what they wear and taking risks but that's just taking the piss a bit.

"How goes it?" Zayn asks, appearing beside Louis and lighting up a cigarette.

"Just saw a guy wearing socks and sandals." Louis tells him, like it should answer that question for him.

"Yeah? How was that?" Zayn asks, obviously not accepting that answer.

"It was lovely. Made my night actually." Louis says.

"Knew you had a thing for feet and weird fashion." Zayn nods, flicking the head off his cigarette.

"I'm with Harry, aren't I?"

"I heard that." A voice sounds from behind Louis as if out of nowhere. Louis knew before he even said it that Harry would hear it. Even if he said it in his head, Louis thinks, Harry would still hear it. Don't ask how.

"Love you." Louis says, turning 'round to see his curly haired boyfriend walking towards them looking a bit windswept. Windswept and _dashing_ , might Louis add.

"Sorry 'm late, got a bit caught up." Harry says, placing a kiss on Louis' cheek.

"Ready?" Zayn asks, to which Louis and Harry nod and they start to walk through the crowds of people.

"You sure you don't want a lift?" Louis asks Zayn one more time, and he's pretty sure Zayn's about to lamp him one because this might be the third (fifth) time he's asked.

"I told you, there's no point in you driving into town then having to drive back. I'll just catch the train." Zayn says.

"We don't mind." Harry chirps in.

"I'm gonna catch the train, pick up the shirt, and get the train home again. I'll be twenty minutes tops. You two go and start getting ready and I'll meet you tonight, yeah?"

"Fine." Louis and Harry say in unison. Zayn's got his heart set on this shirt he seen in town the other day and won't settle for anything less than this shirt in all its colourful and weird glory (he's been taking tips from Harry)

"Besides, gives you two dirty bastards more time for your not-so-quick-quickie-before-you-leave-the-house." Zayn laughs, beginning to walk in the direction of the train station.

Louis gives Zayn the middle finger and Zayn blows them both a kiss.

"Can't wait to see this shirt!" Harry shouts, Zayn already too far away from them for talking distance.

"Telling you Styles, you'll be blowing your load over it!" Zayn shouts back, earning horrified stares from a few older woman in between them. To which Louis and Harry blatantly ignore, wouldn't be the first time Zayn and his foul mouth has put them in a situation like that, that's why they love him.

"See you tonight!" Louis and Harry shout simultaneously, holding a hand up to give Zayn a small wave.

"See ya later!" Zayn shouts back.

Is this shirt really worth it? Zayn thinks, as he catches sight of the packed train station. While his rational brain tells him to just wear something he already has, his emotional brain is already stepping on the train.

Zayn instantly regrets his decision as he's forced to stand on the packed train in between two men who smell like they've just been rolling in horse shit.

He regrets his decision even more when the voice of the train driver sounds through the tannoy:

_"We regret to inform you that this train will have a fifteen minute delay, we are sorry for any inconvenience this will cause."_

"Fuck." Zayn mutters, and pulls out his phone.

_Group:_   
_Train delayed_ _,_ _running late_ _. M_ _eet you at_ _the_ _pub as soon as I can. Get a shot of tequila ready for me ! :) x_

-


	2. Chapter 2

"We weren't _that_ late." Louis says, trying to defend his and Harrys honour. Okay so maybe their quickie-before-we-leave wasn't quite so quick, but they're here now and that's all that matters.

Louis, Harry, Liam and Niall sit around the small table of their local pub, chatting about absolute shit really, waiting for Zayns arrival so they can _really_ get started.

"How's it feel being 21, Payno?" Louis asks.

"Feels like I need a shot." Liam smiles. Louis picks up that hint and heads to the bar for a round of shots - can't deny the birthday boy a shot on his birthday now can he?

"5 tequilas please, Dani." He asks the barmaid, who gives him a look that says _I know how this nights going to go down_. Dani's witnessed their drunken antics more times than she'd probably like to.

"Thanks love." Louis says after Dani hands him his change, and he carefully carries the tray of shots over to the table.

"Should we wait for Zayn?" Niall asks.

"One shot won't hurt," Liam says, "that boy drinks like a fish - he'll catch up in no time."

"Birthday boys orders." Harry complies and picks up his shot, everybody else follows suit.

"Happy birthday buddy." Niall says, raising his shot glass.

"Happy birthday." Louis and Harry say, also raising their shot glasses.

The four of them clink their glasses together and down the hatch they go.

After a few disgruntled noises and slight chokes, all four manage to keep the shot down, _success_.

It's a bit mental that Liam's 21 now, Louis thinks. They've known each other since they were kids - went to the same school along with Niall. Friends all throughout their teenage years and right up till now.

Louis met Zayn about 6 years ago when he started working at Holden & Brown and they instantly clicked, best mates ever since. Zayn had been an office junior back then and now look at him, Creative Directing the fuck out of everything like a boss.

Then two years after Louis began working at H&B, Harry joined the team as a junior photographer. Zayn had encouraged Louis to go for it with Harry and, ever since then Louis has had a grand old time of it if he does say so himself.

Louis' eternally grateful that he has such a great group of friends and boyfriend. Who needs endless amounts of friends when you've got a close group of people that you trust with your life and you know for a fact would do _anything_ for you, just as you would them.

"Dani! Turn that up a touch will ya?" Niall shouts, gesturing to one of the music channels playing on the tv.

"Just a sec," Dani says, not lifting her eyes from her phone, "been told to turn on the news." She lifts up the tv remote and changes the channel to the news.

"Fucking hell." Liam gasps as a picture of two trains mangled into each other in a debris filled wreck appears on screen.

"Shhhh." Dani says to the crowd of people still talking in the corner. As she turns the volume up, everyone turns their attention to the TV.

_"The delayed train was packed full of commuters as another train collided with it at around 5:30pm, the death toll is 17 at the moment with 49 people sustaining major injuries. Authorities are still rescuing people from the wreckage."_

Louis casts his eyes to the horrific wreck on screen and something doesn't feel right.

Everything seems to fade out around him as he slowly gets up from his seat and walks towards the TV - trying to get a look at the small writing at the bottom of the screen saying which train it was.

His eyes follow the writing scrolling along the screen and the words viciously taunt and jump out at him, and Louis' blood runs cold.

"No," Louis says quietly, although he doesn't quite know how he's managed to speak as his mouth has rapidly begun to dry up. He can't take his eyes off of the words at the bottom of the screen. 

Louis slowly begins to step back from the TV.

"Lou?" Harry calls out, but Louis can't seem to find the strength to answer. He wants to, he desperately wants to reply to Harry, but he somehow can't.

Then he feels Harrys presence next to him, followed by a hand on his back that somewhat snaps Louis back into focus.

"What is it?" Harry asks, his eyes following Louis' to the screen that he's still staring at. And then it dawns on Harry.

"Oh God." Harry says, taking a shaky step back as his hands immediately cover his mouth.

"What is it?" Liam asks, standing up now and walking towards Louis and Harry, with Niall following behind him.

"Th-that's the train Zayn was on." Harry manages to stutter out and the whole pub falls into shocked silence.

The shrill ringtone and obnoxious buzzing of Louis' phone cuts through the silence. Louis manages to snap out of his daze and walks back over to the table to pick up his phone. He prays that it isn't someone calling to give him awful news as he numbly picks up his phone. His stomach flips as he reads, _Incoming Call: Zayn Malik_

-


	3. Chapter 3

"Lou? Who is it?" Harry asks, the whole pub casting their eyes onto Louis.

"It's Zayn." Louis says in a state of disbelief.

"Thank god." Dani whispers, letting out a slow and silent sigh of relief.

"Answer it." Niall says, as Louis realises he's been standing just staring at the phone for well over thirty-seconds.

He shakily hits the accept button.

"Zayn?" Louis asks, a bit less shock-induced as he thinks; _okay, Zayn must be okay if he's calling me._

"Zayn? Are you there? Are you okay?" Louis says, louder this time. The other boys walk over to Louis, everyone still has their eyes on him.

"Is he okay?" Liam asks, to which Louis replies by covering his left ear and holding the phone tighter to his right ear.

"What's he saying?" Harry asks.

Louis is confused.

"It's static. It's just static, that's all I can hear." Louis tells them.

"Zayn? Can you hear me? Please say something if you can." He says into the static.

"Put it on speaker." Someone shouts from the bar and so Louis does.

The static sounds harsher through the loudspeaker and it sends a chill running up Louis' spine.

"Zayn?" Liam says in a raised voice.

"What if he's trapped in the wreckage?" Harry whispers.

"Fuck." Louis says.

"Zayn? Can you hear me? Please try and make a sound if you can." Louis pleads, to which only the static responds.

"Shit." Liam mutters. "Shit!" He says, shouting this time.

"Zayn hang in there okay? We're coming!" Niall shouts and then everything seems to turn into a blur as they're piling out of the pub and frantically flagging a taxi and heading towards the wreckage.

The heavy weight on all of their shoulders and deep in the pits of their stomachs surely has to be the reason why the taxi seems as though it's going in slow motion.

Louis isn't sure what time it is now. The dark tones shining through the orange sky indicate that in about half an hour time it'll be dark outside.

He thinks he's holding his breath but he's not sure. I'm still alive, Louis thinks, can't be holding my breath. He finds it a bit unbelievable that at this moment in time he doesn't know whether his best friend is alive or not.

He feels envious as he watches people go by in a blur, breathing, laughing, getting on with their lives. While Louis and the boys are minutes away from finding out if their lives will ever be the same again.

They arrive at the scene of the crash and Louis' legs feel like jelly as they all clamber out of the taxi. It's like something out of a horror film as Louis takes a look around. Crowds of people are gathered - some in shock, some in hysterics, some covered in blood.

Flashing lights are all around them. Paramedics, police and firemen. Victims are being carried into ambulances and carted away. Blood drops are on the concrete pavement and Louis feels sick all over again.

The sound of cries sends a shiver down Louis' spine and makes the hair on the back of his neck stand up. Nothing even feels real as Liam leads the way towards the scene, the boys follow behind in a fast-paced daze. Louis feels Harrys hand on his back and it's the only thing that reminds him to walk, if he wasn't there his legs would most definitely give way.

Louis feels his heart sink - he doesn't think it could possibly get any lower but somehow it does - as his eyes land on the two mangled trains in front of him. Liam is talking to a police officer now but Louis can't hear what he's saying. He knows Liam is trying to stay calm and keep levelheaded for the rest of them and he appreciates it so much as he can't even formulate a sentence right now.

The police officer gestures to a building to the right of them and Liam nods before leading them to it.

They enter the building and immediately the atmosphere engulfs them like flames latching onto fabric. Heartbreak and anticipation hang in the air of the dull and dreary room. It resembles an old school gym hall. Noisy chatter echoes through the hall. 

"What is this?" Niall asks Liam.

"Family and friends room. To uh, wait for...news." Liam replies, his eyes lowering to the ground.

Niall exhales a long and shaky breath. Liam leads the boys to a bench behind them and they quietly sit down. Harry places his hand on top of Louis' thigh and Louis places his hand on top of Harrys and laces their fingers.

Louis brings his hand to his face and closes his eyes and rubs his forehead, he feels Harrys rubbing his back and right now he thinks about how lucky he is to have someone like him. No matter how bad he's feeling he always makes sure that everyone around him is doing okay and Louis absolutely adores him for it.

None of them know what to say. They're sitting in a hall with hundreds of other people, waiting to find out if one of their best friends is alive or not. This is fucking surreal, Louis thinks. He feels as though he's in a film. Or he's being pranked. It just doesn't feel _real_. The four of them are trying to stay positive. Louis' mind is in battle with his overwhelming thoughts. He's trying to force the idea of _he's okay, Zayn's okay_. He thinks that if he says it over and over in his head enough times that it'll somehow be true. He's trying desperately to not let anything break that thought. But it's too hard, because the "what if?" demons are invading and he can't seem to battle them away. 

The room falls into a deafening silence as a door opens with a loud squeak and in walks a police officer. Everybody in the room seems to be holding their breath as they wait to hear the name that the police officer has news about. 

"Family or friends of Zayn Malik?" The officer calls out and all four boys heads drop down.

"C'mon." Liam says quietly, gesturing the boys to stand up and approach the police officer. The sympathetic looks on people's faces is enough to make Louis throw up right there and then. They don't need their sympathy. He's going to be okay. He knows it.

"Stay positive." Liam whispers as the four boys walk shoulder to shoulder towards the police officer, following him out the door and into a corridor.

"Are you family?" The officer asks.

"Closest thing to." Liam replies, to which the officer just nods.

Zayn lost his family before Louis knew him. His mum, dad and sisters were on their way to pick Zayn up from his grans one weekend when he was nine. It had been raining heavily and there were high winds. A tree had been blown down onto the road as they were crossing a bridge and as Mr Malik tried to stop the car before they crashed into it, they swerved and went right through the railings of the bridge and into a lake. They were trapped, and by the time emergency services had got there, it was too late. Zayn didn't speak about his family often. Other than his gran - who passed away when he was seventeen - he didn't have any other family. That's why the bond that the five of them have is so special. They _are_ each others family. 

The police officer leads the boys into a small room. The room has basic cream walls, a desk with a plastic chair in front of it and a couch at the back of the room.

"Take a seat if you'd like." The officer says, gesturing to the couch.

No one replies, the boys just move closer to each other as they wait to find out if their world will ever be the same again.

Louis hears the words "I'm so sorry" and _please god_   _no_. This isn't happening. This cannot be happening. This is a joke. This is some kind of sick fucking joke. His body feels funny and he drops to the ground. He's on the ground and he's looking at the grey carpet underneath him. He doesn't feel right. His head feels heavy and he can't lift it up. His eyes stay locked on the carpet because he can't lift his head to look at anything else. His chest feels tight and his face feels warm. Everything around him is muffled and blurry and slow and all he can hear is someone hyperventilating. 

He feels a hand touch his chin, lifting his head up. 

_"Breathe Lou, c'mon!"_

Harrys face is in front of his, his hands on Louis' shoulders. Tears are streaming down Harrys face and Louis looks at his lips and they're moving, saying something, but Louis doesn't know what. 

He's taking deep breaths and saying something to Louis but he can't hear it. He stares at Harrys lips intently until it dawns on him that he's the one hyperventilating and Harry's trying to pull him out of it. 

Louis mimics Harrys actions and takes slow deep breaths until his breathing is back to a steady pace and he can hear Harrys voice clearly.

Harry lets out a sigh of relief and wraps his arms around Louis' neck and they both start to cry again. 

Niall and Liam rally round them and they all just cling to each other, crying. This is wrong. Everything feels wrong because one of them is missing.

They don't know how long has passed but the Police Officer re-enters the room and Louis hadn't even noticed he had left in the first place.

"If now isn't a good time to talk..." The officer says.

"No. It's fine, please." Liam says, wiping the tears from under his eyes and pulling Niall up, who pulls Harry up, who then pulls Louis up.

"I understand this is extremely hard for you. But please know that he didn't suffer any pain, it was instant." The policeman says and Louis freezes.

"W-what?" Louis chokes out, as the other three boys snap their heads up towards the officer.

"This might be unsettling to hear..." He says and Liam nods for him to continue.

"We believe he was standing up at the time of the collision, his body was thrown across the carriage and he was impaled by some glass." The thought makes Louis and the boys feel sick and it almost feels as though their own hearts have just been impaled.

Louis tries to ignore this feeling as he struggles to wrap his head around what they've just been told.

"He-he died instantly?" He asks, to which the officer replies with a sympathetic nod.

"He couldn't have. He called Louis' phone." Niall says and the officer looks completely confused.

"When was this?" He asks.

"About forty minutes ago." Louis replies.

"We haven't retrieved his phone but the accident happened two hours ago, as I said he died instantly-"

"He couldn't have." Louis butts in.

"I'm sorry sir but-"

"No there must be some kind of mistake." Louis says, shaking his head.

The police officer is about to say something but Louis doesn't give him a chance.

"He called me, he fucking called me, okay?" Louis shouts. He feels extremely warm and his chest feels tight and please not again. He feels lightheaded and nauseous and everything turns black as he feels himself falling.


	4. Chapter 4

Louis can feel a hand on his forehead wiping away the sweat and pushing the hair from his face. Even with his eyes closed he knows the hand belongs to Harry.

He can hear people speaking around him but he can't really grasp what they're saying - his brain feels a bit like a radio attempting to tune.

He slowly opens his eyes and the bright light from the ceiling seems harsh against his vision, he blinks a few times until Harrys worried looking face staring down at him comes into view.

"God Louis, you scared me." Harry says with frantic eyes, and Louis instantly feels guilty. Throw guilt on top of the hefty list of emotions spinning in his gut right now and surely it won't be long before he's spewing up his insides.

Harry hands him a plastic cup filled with water and Louis places a kiss on his hand as a thank you, his mouth too dry to speak.

"C'mon, let's get you home." Harry instructs, pulling Louis up from the couch before he even has a chance to protest.

Louis is exhausted. He feels physically drained. He notices that only Harry and him get a taxi back home but he's too tired to question it. He doesn't know what time it is.

Harry pays the taxi driver and Louis feels as though the taxi hasn't even moved, too tired to even notice they'd been driving for fifteen minutes.

Harry opens the taxi door and takes Louis' hand and leads him up to their apartment.

"Hungry?" Harry asks as they walk through the door. Louis just shakes his head and heads up the hall and into their bedroom.

He walks over to his side of the bed, doesn't bother turning the light on, and lays down on top of the covers and closes his eyes. He wishes Harry was beside him.

Louis can feel himself drifting off, can feel his brain hovering between that awake and unconscious line. The line begins to blur as he feels a warm arm wrap around him. A slight tickle on his neck as Harry's curls touch him. The line disintegrates completely as his safety blanket pulls him closer and places a soft kiss on his head.

-

Louis wakes and feels groggy. His mouth feels dry and he still feels exhausted. He glances at the clock and reads 01.12am. He doesn't know how long he slept for. All he knows is that Harry isn't beside him anymore.

He pulls himself up and sits at the edge of the bed and takes a deep breath. He rubs his eyes before he stands up and stretches. He tries to ignore that sick feeling in the pit of his stomach, but he already knows it's going to be a permanent fixture for a while.

He opens the bedroom door and he hears voices coming from the living room. He can't hear what they're saying. He walks up the hall and into the living room and the room falls silent. He notices Niall lying sound asleep on the armchair, a subtle snore coming from him. Harry and Liam are sitting on the couch talking. Were talking, until Louis walked in.

"Am I interrupting?" Louis asks.

"Course not." Harry says, moving over and tapping the seat beside him for Louis to sit on.

Louis walks over to the couch and sits beside Harry, leaning into him. Harry places his hand at the nape of Louis' neck and starts to play with his hair, something that instantly relaxes Louis.

"How you feeling?" Liam asks.

"Grand." Louis replies sarcastically and Liam looks as though the comment physically stung him, which causes a pang of guilt in Louis' stomach.

"Sorry." Louis sighs, lowering his eyes.

"I just, I don't know how I feel. I feel...wrong." Louis says.

"Yeah." Liam replies.

"This definitely feels...wrong." Liam continues.

"The Police Officer said that once they recover Zayn's phone they'll be in contact." Harry tells Louis.

"I don't understand this. I mean, you both saw him calling me. The whole fucking pub saw it." Louis says, shaking his head in confusion.

"I know." Liam says quietly.

"Guess we just need to wait and see what they have to say." Liam adds.

"Guess so." Louis shrugs.


	5. Chapter 5

Louis wakes the next morning to the smell of freshly ground coffee. His neck hurts. His heart hurts. His stomach feels plagued with sickness and worry and dread. He opens his eyes and it takes him a few seconds to realise he's lying on the couch with a blanket over him. He rolls over and glances at the floor where Liam is lying on a blow up bed, and then to the chair where Niall is sleeping, still snoring. 

He gets up from the couch and stretches, narrowly avoiding standing on Liams head as he walks through the living-room door and up the hall towards the kitchen. The radio is playing lowly and Harry is standing in front of the cooker, making a fry-up by the looks of it. He doesn't turn around as Louis enters the kitchen.

Louis walks over behind him and stands on his tiptoes and rests his head on Harrys shoulder. Harry gently rests his head on top of Louis' for a few seconds, before turning around to face him. He places a soft kiss on his forehead and wraps his arms around him. Louis seems to just melt into Harrys chest. He just fits. 

"Hungry?" Harry asks, although he already knows the answer.

Louis just shakes his head.

"I'll make you a smoothie." Harry tells him, and Louis knows it's going to taste like shit but he also knows Harry will make him drink it regardless.

"Thanks, love." Louis says with a small smile.

Louis takes a seat at the small dining table in the kitchen as Harry starts chopping up a load of green vegetables. 

"Any news?" Louis asks Harry.

"Nothing yet." Harry replies.

Louis sighs and stretches his arms out on the table in front of him, and lowers his head down on top of them.

"Morning." Niall says, walking into the kitchen with Liam following behind.

"Smells fuckin' delightful in here." He continues, and Harry lets out a chuckle.

"Take a seat." Harry says to Niall and Liam.

The two of them take the seats across from Louis at the four chaired table and Harry plates up a fry-up for each of them and places it down in front of them.

"Cheers Haz." Niall says.

"Thanks mate." Liam smiles, before they both tuck in.

Harry gives them a small nod and a smile as if to say it's no bother at all. He turns his back to them and gets back to the smoothie he's making for himself and Louis. He switches on the blender and picks out two glasses from the cupboard as the fruit and veg mixes.

He pours the green mixture into the two glasses and Louis thinks it looks a bit like puke. Harry walks towards the table with the glasses in hand, and sits down next to Louis.

"Here you go." He says, handing Louis a glass.

"Thank you." Louis smiles, taking it from him.

Louis picks the glass up and takes a small sip, and he's surprised that it doesn't actually taste as bad as it looks. 

"So what's the plans for today then?" Niall asks.

"I don't really feel like doing anything." Louis says to which the others just kind of nod along in agreement. 

What can they do exactly? Go out and get pissed? Go for dinner? Go to the cinema? The fact of the matter is that whatever they do, wherever they do it, it's never going to be the same again. There will always be one of them missing and that realisation suddenly makes the room a bit too stuffy and Louis needs to get the hell out of there.

"Excuse me." He says quietly, exiting the kitchen and heading straight for the front door for some fresh air.

As soon as Louis gets outside he lets out a huge puff of breath, as if he'd just resurfaced from being underwater. He puts his hands on the back of his head and closes his eyes and he feels sick. He hasn't stopped feeling sick. He doesn't think he ever will.

He sits down on the doorstep and takes a second to just ponder over the view in front of him. The sun is out and Louis thinks that's really fucking offensive. This day, this whole week, this fucking _life_ deserves nothing but rain and misery. The weather should contrast how he feels. He feels broken and empty and sad and sick and it shouldn't be fucking sunny, he thinks. And then he feels angry. He feels angry that he can't control the weather. And then he sighs - it's long and shaky and drawn out - and he knows that this has absolutely nothing to do with the weather.

"You okay?" Harry asks Louis. Louis didn't even hear him come out the door. 

"Not really." Louis replies.

"Do you want me to leave you alone?" Harry asks, because he knows that sometimes people just need their own space when they're grieving. 

"No." Louis shakes his head, so Harry sits down on the step next to him and wraps an arm around him. Louis rests his head on Harrys chest and they just sit there in a comfortable silence.

-

It's just passed noon and Niall and Liam have left to go home and get a change of clothes and a few other things. They're going to crash at Harry and Louis' again. None of them really want to be separated from each other just now, and they all want to be together in the event that they get any more news. 

Harry's in the shower and Louis doesn't really know what to do with himself. He sits in the living-room and turns on the TV and mindlessly flicks through the channels before giving up and just turning it off again. 

He stands up and walks over to the window and just stands there looking out. There's a park across the road and it's filled with people enjoying the sunshine, happy and smiling and laughing. Jealousy stings in his gut. 

He notices his phone lying on the table next to the window and so he picks it up. Three missed calls and a text from his Mum, alongside texts from his sisters Lottie and Felicite. He knows they're only calling to see how he is because they care for him, but he honestly can't even begin to describe how he's feeling. He doesn't even know himself. He knows if he physically hears them ask how he is he'll just crack and everything will escape him. All of these feelings inside him will just get too much and he won't be able to stop once he starts. So he types a group message.

To: Mum, Fiz, Lottie

_I'm okay, I'll speak to you soon. Love you x_

He sits down underneath the window with his back against the wall and he opens up his call log. His heart aches as he sees the call to Zayn yesterday. He doesn't really know why, but he clicks on Zayn's name and starts to call him. He puts it on loudspeaker and his heart races as it starts ringing. He closes his eyes and leans his head back against the wall.

_Please let this all be a dream. Please pick up. Please, please pick up Zayn._

A familiar sound of static hisses through the phone and Louis' eyes snap open. He looks down at the phone to see his call has been answered and he quickly turns the speaker off and places the phone at his ear.

"Zayn? Zayn?!" he shouts frantically. 

"Can you hear me? Zayn!" Louis stands up and his heart is racing rapidly and his hands are clammy.

"Zayn-" he starts to speak again and the call is cut off.

"No, no, no, no, no." He mutters hysterically. 

"Harry! Harry!" he shouts, he doesn't know what else to do. 

Harry comes into the living-room looking worried out of his mind.

"Lou, what is it? Are you okay?" He asks, rushing over to Louis with panicked eyes.

"I just called Zayn, he answered Harry. He answered the phone!" Louis says holding out his shaky hand with the phone in it, and Harry takes it from him.

"W-what?" Harry asks, shocked.

"Look," Louis says, gesturing towards the call log. "He answered."

Harry looks at the call log and there is indeed an outgoing call lasting 18 seconds to Zayn. 

"Was it an answering machine?" Harry asks.

"No, he answered." Louis says. 

"Lou, he-he couldn't have answered. He's..." Harry can't even finish his sentence. 

"It wasn't an answering machine Harry." Louis tells him adamantly. 

"Okay." Harry whispers, nodding. Harry presses Zayns name and puts it on loudspeaker and they both just listen. 

Louis' breath catches in his throat as it goes straight on to the answering machine with no rings and Zayns voice blasts through the speaker. 

_Zayn Maliks phone, I'm obviously not here right now so you know what to do! *beep*_

Tears start to form in both Harry and Louis' eyes as they hear Zayns voice. It's like a stab in the heart. It's a painful reminder that they'll never hear him speak again. They'll never hear his laugh. 

And once again it all gets a bit too much, and so Louis and Harry hold each other and they just cry.

"It was static Harry." Louis says through his tears. "Someone answered and they hung up again. I don't know what's happening." Louis shakes his head in confusion.

"Shh, it's okay." Harry whispers soothingly, pulling Louis closer to him.

"It's okay." He says once again.

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

They're all sitting in the living-room at Harry and Louis' when Liams phone starts to ring.

He looks at it in confusion as he doesn't recognise the number.

"Hello?" He answers.

The rest of the boys' heads turn to face Liam as he stands up from the couch and gestures for Harry to turn the TV volume down.

"Officer Maddox, hi." Liam says and Harry immediately switches the TV off.

The boys straighten their backs and stay completely silent as Liam speaks.

"Oh." Liam says with a hint of both disappointment and confusion.

"Okay. Will do. Thanks for getting back to me, I appreciate it. You too. Bye now." Liam hangs up the phone and the boys all wait for him to fill them in.

"They never found Zayns phone. They reckon it was probably destroyed in the wreckage." Liam tells them.

Louis screws his face up in confusion.

"It's not destroyed." Louis says.

"I called it yesterday and it rang, someone answered. Harry heard it." He continues, looking toward Harry to confirm the story.

Harry quickly glances at Liam before looking at Louis, and he seems to take a small moment to think before answering.

"Well, it went on to his answering machine." Harry says, and Louis looks somewhat betrayed.

"So nobody actually answered?" Liam says.

"Somebody answered the first time." Louis says in a clipped tone.

Liam looks like he's trying to tread carefully with his words now.

"I mean, they didn't manage to retrieve it at the scene so it's probably half-wrecked under a pile of rubble. It's probably just glitching." Liam shrugs.

"Anyway. Let's just forget about the phone, okay? We need to focus on the funeral." Liam says. And so Louis just keeps his mouth shut and doesn't say another word about it.

–

It's just after 5pm and Harry is on the phone to their favourite Chinese food shop ordering dinner for all of them.

"I'll go pick it up." Louis mouths to him and Harry nods.

"We'll pick it up. Great. Thanks very much. Bye." He says and puts the phone down.

"Let me just get my coat." Harry says to Louis, picking up the car keys from the table.

"Actually, I was just going to walk down alone. Clear my head a bit." Louis tells him.

"Oh." Harry says, "you okay?"

Louis lets out a small laugh. It's not a humorous one. It's empty and painful and it's definitely not okay.

Harry has empathy in his eyes and he walks over to Louis and cups his face and places a soft kiss on his lips.

"Love you." He says.

"Love you too." Louis replies, and then heads for the front door.

It's a chilly night. It's not quite pitch black yet but it's getting there. The traffic is jammed and the pavements are crowded with people on their way home from work. Louis' stomach churns at the thought of going back to work with no Zayn there. And then his mind roams to everywhere from now on that he'll go in his life, where Zayn should be there with him but won't be. Birthday parties, Christmases, bringing in New Years, _his and Harrys wedding_.

The last one makes him feel physically sick and he has to stop dead in his tracks.

They'd spoken about it before, numerous times actually. About how Zayn would be their best man. And Zayn would speak about how he'd organise the night of their lives at their stag do. He'd said he'd help with the rings and the whole wedding because lets face it, he knew the both of them inside out. He got the two of them together in the first place and the thought of him not being at their wedding rips Louis' heart to shreds and he can feel the pain suddenly climbing up his throat.

His eyes well up and he starts to panic because the last thing he wants is to have a breakdown in the middle of a crowded street.

He squeezes his eyes shut and shakes his head and tries to keep walking.

_No no no no. Don't cry. Don't cry Louis don't fucking cry._

But the overwhelming sense of heartbreak courses through his whole body. He rushes through the crowds of people, avoiding eye contact, and spots a lane in between two shops. As soon as he's out of view from everybody he bolts as far down the lane as possible and he's never been so thankful that it's empty.

His back slams against the brick wall and he breaks down as he slides down the wall and hits the concrete ground with a smack that should hurt him but his mind is too focused on the intense pain in his heart.

He's hyperventilating and panicking and hurting and his mind is racing. He manages to take his phone out of his pocket and with shaky hands unlocks it and opens his call log and hits Zayns name and puts it on speaker.

It rings and rings and rings and rings and then it answers and his old friend static greets him.

"What-the-fuck-is-going-on?!" Louis cries out through hyperventilated breaths.

The call is cancelled and Louis shouts "NO!" before smashing his phone to the ground in anger and pulling his hands through his hair and tugging at it in absolute frustration and hurt and confusion and everything in between.

-

"Where have you been?" Harrys eyes are frantic as Louis walks through the front door with the cold food.

"Sorry I got distracted on my walk." Louis says quietly.

Harry walks over to him, takes the bags of food from his hands and sits them on the table beside them.

"Are you okay?" He asks. Rubbing his hands over Louis' cold arms to heat him up.

"I'm fine." Louis says with a small smile that doesn't meet his eyes.

"I'll go heat this up. Go sit in the living-room with Liam and Niall and I'll stick the heating on." Harry says, lifting up the bags of food and heading for the kitchen.

"I'm not hungry. I'm just going to go to bed." Louis says with absolutely no emotion as he walks past Harry and into their bedroom, where he climbs into bed still fully-clothed and with a mind that sure as hell won't let him sleep.


End file.
